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Old Story of a girl:) Chapter 1

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  #1  
Old 09-01-2009, 03:44 AM
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Story of a girl:) Chapter 1

I woke up and texted my bff, Maxie.
-Hey ellen.- she wrote.
-ill pick you up soon- i wrote back.
-good.- she ended the conversation.
"ELLEN!" my mom yelled.
"What?" I asked.
"BREAKFAST." She commanded.
I got dressed in a lime green tank top, jean shorts, and black flats.I ran down stairs. I ate a poptart and milk and ran outside. My bro stood there and her got in the car. Me and my sis and two bros drove to get Maxie and her bro. Then we drove to school. Bluh.
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Last edited by CoolStormyStar; 09-13-2009 at 03:03 AM..
  #2  
Old 09-02-2009, 02:54 AM
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CHAPTER 2:
"So.... Ellen?" Kevin, a freshman, asked.
"What?" i replied.
"Are you going to the dance with anyone?" He asked.
"Nope, i cant go."
"Really? Why?" He asked.
"Um...." I thought, i knew the real reason, that was that i couldnt go unless i payed my own thirty dollar ticket because we were broke and i spent my allowence already... "Grounded." I answered quick.
"Oh." He replied and walked away.
"Sorry!" I shouted and everyone stared, i rushed over to Maxie.
"Who just shouted?" She asked.
"I dont know..." I lied.
"Hmmm.." she added and pulled out her phone.
I pulled out mine.
1 new message- MaryKay
Is Mike picking me up? PLEASE tell him hurry.

I wrote back quickly.
Okay,
MaryKay was eleven and the only reason an eleven year old with a broke family has a phone was because she got lost in disneyland when she was ten and now, she needs immidiate contact with us, plus it's my old phone. I showed Maxie the message and told her to find my freshmen brother, Sam and i would find my older brother, Mike. We split up and met at the car in 3 minutes. We drove to get MaryKay, her friend, my little brother, Joey and Maxie's little brother. We took MaryKay's friend home who lived by Betsy's school. Betsy was three and went to pre-school. Then we dropped Joey and Maxie's brother, and Maxie at Maxie's house and went home.
I ran up to my room and started my homework. "SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE!" I heard my mom yell. I dashed down stairs and my family was under the kitchen counter. Betsy crying and the newborn baby, Marie screaming in Mike's arms. I jumped to the floor and crawled under the counter. A creep stod there with a bag full our stuff and Maxie's baby sister, Natalie, dangling from his arms. I reached for my phone and called the police. I told them everything in a whisper and they said they were on there way.

Mike handed me Marie and stood up. The robber walked towards Mike. Mike grabbed a chair and hit the robber. He fell and little Natalie crawled away to Mike. He picked her up and gestured for us to come. We dashed for the door and mad it out safely. The police arrived soon and took the man away. Little Natalie had only a scar above her right eye and Maxie's family were so happy to here she was safe and sound.

The next morning was saturday. My mom headed to work, she was a teacher in the week, at night she was a night class teacher and on the weekend she worked as a waitress at a kid's playtime restraunt. "TAKE CARE OF MARIE AND BETSY." She insisted.
"Indeed." I agreed and put my ipod on. Mike went to his work at tacobell. My puppy jumped up on my lap. He was a golden retriever we found in the streets and he chewed on his makeshift toy, a glove with cotton in it and it was sewed at the bottom. Her name was blueberry, when we found her she had a blue crayola marker dot on her ear.


Marie was in my arms, sucking on her wa-wa, Betsy was on the floor coloring a picture, Joey was playing an old video game, Sam was making a sandwhich and MaryKay was on the floor playing with our neighbor's old cat that he gave to us. That's how we spent our Saturday.
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Last edited by DeputyRR; 09-03-2009 at 05:37 PM.. Reason: non-g
  #3  
Old 09-07-2009, 10:09 PM
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Chapter #3:
My little brother, Joey smacked on his mini sandwhich and Blueberry glared at him.
ROOOOOF! Blueberry barked and jumped on Joey. He spit out his sandwich. "Gross!" I shouted and Blueberry munched it up off the yellow rug. "Eww." I rolled my eyes.

"Ellen?" I heard from outside.

I ran out there. "Hey Maxie!" I whispered.

"Come here." She smiled.

"What?" i asked and followed her.She got on her mom and dad's two seater bike. I got on as well, "Where are we going?" I asked.

"I'll explain on the way." She replied and started peddiling. "Okay, I walked outside earlier this morning and threw a frezbee towards the junk yard across the street and it went over the fence," She began, "and my dog dug a whole to get in and she crawled in, i tried yelling 'Cinderella!' and she didnt come back." She sighed, "She came back with a box and i picked it up out of her mouth.

"Go on." I insisted.

"I dusted the box off first and it was a beautiful dark wood. I tried to open it." She looked back at me and itched her head.

"What?" I asked.

"It didnt open." She replied.

"So... Why is this so important?" I asked rudely.

"Ellen!" She rolled her hazel brown eyes as her brunette pony tail hit my cheek in the wind. "Listen... and maybe you'll know!"

"Okay, okay." I agreed. "What?"

"Our names were on the bottom." She said quickly.
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  #4  
Old 09-12-2009, 05:22 PM
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good it is good
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  #5  
Old 09-13-2009, 03:02 AM
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Thanks so much Kyris
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  #6  
Old 09-13-2009, 03:17 AM
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Story of a girl.

"Come on Ellen! Believe me!" Maxie whined.
"Maxie! You've got to me kidding me!" She tugged at my arm and i yanked away.
Still tugging she shouted, "Ellen! Atleast look at the box!"

Since i refused to beilieve her i decided to take a look at this weird box. When she brought it out of her bedroom closet, i sat on her desk chair. I looked at the top, it was wooden and dusty. I was afraid to turn it upside down to see our names. I kind of- sort of beilieving her now. I was petrified of finding our names. I turned it over and found our names engraved on the bottom.
Ellen Kingston & Maxie Sanchez
"Maxie?" I asked.
"Si?" She asked.
I shook, "You didnt right this in marker, did you?"
"No ma'am." She replied.
"Okay." I shivered.
"There's only one thing to do." She rolled her r.
"What?" I asked staring at my name.
"Search for that key." She said.
"Got it." I replied.
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  #7  
Old 09-13-2009, 03:21 AM
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♥Sonny With A Chance!♥
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I ♥ it!!! Tip: try shortening the chapters a little tiny bit??
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  #8  
Old 09-13-2009, 03:22 AM
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I was thinking of that Thanks!
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Old 09-13-2009, 03:24 AM
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Wooohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! Journalism as an elective is paying off huh?? LOL
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Old 09-13-2009, 03:25 AM
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Haha, seriously thanks.
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  #11  
Old 10-15-2009, 03:10 AM
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[B]Maxie kicked open her closet door.
"Maxerz!" Natalie, her little sister yelled.
"Yeah?" She sounded annoyed.
"Today, will you teach me to draw?" She asked.
"Oh, Nat!" Maxie fell on her bed.
"What?" I asked.
"I told Nat i'd teach her to draw animals today."
"Oh, Max... I'll call Carter. I'll go to his house and play video games or something. We can do this another day, it's alright." I put my hand on Maxie's shoulder.

"You sure?" She asked.

"Yah." I replied and dialed Carter's number and i threw my bag over my shoulder as i stepped into the pouring rain.

"Hey." Carter answered.
"Carter! Whatcha doin?" I asked.
"nothing You?" He asked.
"Just left Maxie's house."
"Oh."
"So, listen. Wanna get together?" I asked.
"Sure." He replied.
"What time?"
"Um, how about now. Let's ride bikes."
"Car! It's raining."
"More the fun." He hung up


I ran home and got my bike, riding to Carter's house my phone rang. "Hey?"
"Hi." maxie said.
"Oh, hey, it's you!" I smiled.
"Who were you expecting?" She asked me.
"No one." I lied.
"Why are you in the rain? I hear it in the background."
I decided to tell the truth, "going to Carter's."
"Serious?" she asked, trembling.

"Yah." I replied. She liked Carter, but i liked him longer and she didnt know, could i help it? I mean, it's not like she was dating him ever. So... I can hang with him.

"Wow." She replied.

"What?"

"Nothing." She hung up. I reached carter's house and parked my brother's old bike, that i painted pink. I wore a red tank top, with a brown 'Paul Frank' sweatshirt over, Maxie's old ripped up jeans, and cheap brown boots, with my hair pulled up in a brown scrunchie. I ran to the door, smiling with pride and he stepped out quicker than ever.

"Hi Car!" I smiled and hugged him.
"Hey!" He smiled, with a bigger smile than me.
"Let's go." He smiled. He was poor as well, he hopped on a blue scratched up bike and we rode off. My phone blasted, "So what" by 'Pink'.

"Hello?" I asked, really annoyed.
"Yeah, hey!" Maxie smiled. I put her on speaker and set my phone in the basket.
"What?" I asked.
"Whatcha doin?"
"Riding bikes with Carter." I rolled my blue eyes.
"Oh, Hi Cutie CarCar!" She smiled.
"Is that Maxie Sanchez i hear?" He asked.
"No, It's Pretty Maxie Sanchez!"
"Oh please." He whispered to me.
I giggled.
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  #12  
Old 10-15-2009, 08:17 PM
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Hey, just a writing tip, give your characters some quirky action. They're not just sitting there talking and staring each other, right?

" "Oh, did he now?" she said, grinning and twirling her hair playfully. "

Best story ever if you add that quality in
  #13  
Old 12-01-2009, 04:22 AM
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THANKS! xD

"I sent you a picture. Show it to Carter. I got a professinal haircut right now." Maxie bragged.
"Whaaat?" I asked knowing she was lying because she was helping her little sister draw. I began to push my legs a little faster on the old blue bike.
"Oh, a pro haircut. You dont know what that is, cause your.." she paused. "Poor."
The word slipped out of her ruby lips as if it was a bad word and it was to me. My stomach dropped, Carter's jaw fell revealing his perfect, white teeth, even i heard Maxie whisper to herself, "Oh my gosh." I pressed end and a tear fell.

"You can't see that i'm crying cause the rain right?" I felt even my cheap mascara bleeding.

"Hand me the phone." He replied and held out his firm hand.

"No," i paused and bit my pink lips. "the words slipped out of her mouth before she thought."

"no." he demanded.

"she's right though." I fought.

"Ell, let's get you changed. The rain is stopping. We'll paint ur bike right now."
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  #14  
Old 12-01-2009, 08:28 AM
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I don't exist.
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Awesome!!!
That's A cool story!
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  #15  
Old 12-02-2009, 05:05 AM
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Thanks! (:
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