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| Magic Kingdom Memoirs Where dreams are buried, but not forgotten. |
Non-experienced ~My first story~
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#1
12-16-2006, 02:42 AM
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Non-experienced ~My first story~
OK, so I got the idea of this story while thinking about my life. Jay is really similar to me, but there are some things that I changed.
~~Non-experienced~~ Jay was a 16-year-old boy. His life was OK, but his parents couldn’t afford much. He didn’t have a cell-phone yet, and no cable television. However, they did have 3 computers. But they had no laptops. His dad was the only person in his family who had a job. Jay also had a sister named Emma. *Chapter 1* It was the first day of school, and he was in 10th grade. Before, he was homeschooled. He had just started going to public school. As he was walking in the hallway, someone stepped on his shoelace. Jay fell flat onto the floor. Everyone laughed… except one boy. Boy: Are you OK? Jay: Yeah… what’s your name? Boy: Damian. Which class are you going to next? Jay got up from the floor and cleaned his glasses. Jay: Geography. Damian: Me too! Let’s get going before we’re late. The boys hurried to the class. Eventually they made it on time. The class was pretty good, except that they got a lot of homework. After Geography class, they went to their other classes, until it was time for lunch. As they were getting their lunch, Jay and Damian passed by a girl who didn’t notice that her purse had just fell onto the floor. Jay quickly grabbed the purse and gave it back to the girl. Jay: Here… It fell on the floor… Girl: Thanks! Jay went back to Damian. Damian: Just so you know, her name is Hannah. Jay: …What classes is she in? *Chapter 2* Damian: I think that some of the classes she’s in are Art, Drama, and Geometry. Jay: Great! I’m in those, too! Damian: Great? Wait, do you have a crush on her? Jay: No, just wondering. Jay got a bit closer to Damian. Jay: Ok yes I do! Damian: Yup, it’s pretty obvious… Jay and Damian bought lunch, and when they finished eating it, they asked each other which class they’re going to. Jay: I’m going to Art class. Damian: My next class is P.E. But you go to Geometry, right? Jay: Yes… so we’ll see each other then? Damian: Yup. See you! Jay: Bye. They got headed to their classes. It turned out that the teacher of Art class wasn’t going to give out homework until the next week. And P.E. class barely ever had any homework. Jay was 2 minutes early. And so was Hannah. Jay couldn’t stop staring at Hannah. Finally, Damian got to Geometry class. Damian: Jay? …Jay? Hello? Finally, Damian waved in front of Jay’s face. Damian: HELLO? Jay: …Oh, sorry. Damian: Blinded by love… Damian sat in his seat. The bell rang. Teacher: Ah, yes, I trust that all of you had a splendid summer. Now, let’s start off by seeing what you know. The Geometry teacher pointed at Jay. Teacher: You. The teacher took a stick and pointed it at the board. Teacher: What is this figure? …Hello? Are you still here? Jay kept on staring at Hannah. Teacher: HELLO! Jay: What? Oh… Teacher: What is about this girl that makes you interested in her? The class laughed. Jay felt really embaressed. Damian (to himself): Great, now he’s deafened by love. *Chapter 3* Teacher: Let me call on someone who concentrates… ah, you. He pointed to Damian. Teacher: What is this figure? Damian: A point. Teacher: Right. I was going easy on you. The rest of class was OK, except that everyone thought of Jay as “weird”. Except Damian, of course. After class Damian tried to get Jay thinking about something else. Damian: There’s only one class left until the end of school… and for you, that’s Drama class, right? Jay: Yeah. You don’t go to that, do you? Damian: No, but here’s my cell number. Damian wrote his cell number on a piece of paper, then gave it to Jay. Jay: Thanks. I’ll call you at 4:00 after school. Damian: Alright. Damian and Jay went to their next classes. Jay tried his best to focus, and he did. When that was done, they rode the bus home. And when Jay got home, his mom didn’t have a good look on her face. Jay’s Mom: Your Geometry teacher called. Says there was a problem with you and a girl. Jay: Mom, it’s not a big deal. Just a mistake I made. Jay’s Mom: Mistake? It could lower your grade! When Dad gets home, I want us to discuss it. Jay: And if Emma tries to eavesdrop… (note: I forgot to include this at the top, but Emma is in the 12th grade.) Jay’s Mom: I’ll make sure that she doesn’t. Jay looked at the clock. It was 2:30. He decided to get onto the computer until it was 4:00. *Chapter 4* Jay looked at the clock again. It was 4:00. He went upstairs to get the phone. He got the cell number out of his pocket and started dialing. Damian: Hello? Who is this? Jay: Who was supposed to call you at 4:00? Damian: Oh, good. You didn’t forget. Jay: It was pretty much the only thing I was thinking about. Damian: Yeah, anyways, what was that at Geometry? Jay: Um, I got a bit distracted. Damian: A bit? Just a bit distracted? Jay: Ok, I was distracted… a lot. Damian: Yes. And you need to work on that. Jay: Now you’re starting to sound like my mom… Damian: I’m just trying to tell you what’s best. Jay: Can we talk about something else? Damian: Fine. Someone spread a rumor that the Back-To-School dance is in 2 weeks. Jay: WHAT?! Why haven’t they given out flyers or put up posters? Damian: I don’t know, ask the principle or the PTA president. Jay: Well, at least I know who I’m taking. Damian: …Just look out a bit longer before you choose. The rumor isn’t even confirmed. Jay heard the door open. It was his dad. Jay: Ok, got to go. See you tomorrow. Damian: Bye. Jay: Bye. Jay hung up and went upstairs. When he put the phone back, he sat down. His dad knew something was going on, so he also sat down. Jay’s mom: It seems that Jay’s Geometry teacher called. He wasn’t paying attention during class and was distracted by a girl. Jay: I tried to tell her it’s not a big deal… Jay’s dad: OK. Here’s what I have to say. Your mom is trying to point out that if you don’t pay enough attention in school, your grades won’t be very good. Jay’s mom: Right. Jay’s dad: However, Jay’s case happens to a lot of kids. Many boys his age are like this. Jay’s mom: … Jay: Exactly. Jay’s dad: So, now you’ve learned your lesson. Jay’s mom: And that’s it? Jay’s dad: Unless you have something to add. Jay’s mom: No… Jay’s dad: Then we’re finished. Jay left and went up to his room. He was pretty tired. He took a nap. Last edited by vmkstar99; 12-21-2006 at 03:03 AM.. |
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#2
12-16-2006, 12:17 PM
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Ok, I didnt read it yet but here are some tips:
- NO recess in High School! I am in Middle School, we have study hall. - Instead of talking like Jay: blahblah talk like "Hi!" Jay said. |
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#3
12-16-2006, 02:06 PM
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Quote:
 The first tip, is helpful. The second one... I'll think about it. |
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#4
12-16-2006, 02:14 PM
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Its great, except what tmkttt said about the recess thing, even though I see you must have edited it out. I'm in Middle School and we just have a 30 minute lunchtime
♥Wall |
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#5
12-16-2006, 02:17 PM
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Quote:
Yeah. I'm still in Elementary school, so I don't know much about HS. |
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#6
12-16-2006, 02:22 PM
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I know this would be a major change but... Maybe the story can be Middle school, because you'd probably know a bit more about that than High School.
♥Wall |
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#7
12-16-2006, 02:23 PM
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Quote:
But, my side of California is pretty different. Just stating it. |
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#10
12-19-2006, 06:11 PM
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I love the new chapters!
♥Wall |
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#12
12-21-2006, 03:38 AM
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Quote:
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