View Full Version : An Animal Tail.


TheBird
11-25-2007, 02:36 AM
This is the un-told story of the Safari animals at the Animal Kingdom; about how they feel, with the giant trucks full of noisy tourguides and littering tourists.


Chapter One: The Realization


Samson was walking through his edge of the forest. No one ever came here, and he preferred it that way. As the head of the pride, he liked his space. But soon he could hear the pounding of footsteps, probably that wretched monkey Afii, he thought. As the footfalls got closer, he realized it was Matriarch, the last person he'd expect to actually come looking for him.
"Samson, we have a problem," the giant African elephant said.
"What would that be?" Samson replied.
"The humans are creating new touring routes," she said, "and it affects you directly."
"If it affects me directly, that can only mean it comes right through here," Samson said, seething, "what're we going to do about this?"
"I say we hold an animal council, but we'll have to meet tonight, when the zoo-keepers are gone and the park is completely empty." Matricarch said with confidence.
"I'll see you tonight then," Samson replied with pride.
The two leaders of the Walt Disney World Safari set off into the seering sunlight, read to rise against this new park developement.

Chapter Two: The Invitation

Afii was jumping throught the trees, as usual. He liked to stay out of trouble, but that was hard-pressed around here, especially with Samson on his case. Last time he got in trouble, he had just been looking for another banana tree in Samson's so called "private corner". It's not that he didn't like Samson, he was a great leader, he just was a bit on the cranky side every so often. Actually, forget often, all the time. He stopped to think about this flame on his fellow Safari. As he thought about it, he looked down and saw Samson himself looking up at him.
"You can't hear my thoughts, can you?" said Afii, with a guilty laugh.
"No Afii, and I don't think I want to," Samson said, again seething with anger.
"Whatcha' doin' in the part of the grasslands, Sam?" Afii ask, pounding himself inside for calling him Sam, he hated that.
"I'll disregard that title Afii and get on with it. I'm looking for you. If you don't already know, the humans are creating new tours though my corner of the Safari. Don't only does this anger me, but it puts some of our food sources in danger. We're calling a animal meeting, and we want everything there. Be at the old tree when you hear the Matriarch calling. And don't be late." Samson said, stalking off.
"I guess he didn't get enough sleep last night," Afii said as Samson walked away.
"I heard that Afii!!" Samson roared.


What do you all think? Should I write more? This is my first story, and I was having trouble with ideas and stuff.

Note: It's ok to leave comments, good or bad. I don't care what you say about my story, as long as it's not rude, because I'll strive for improvement.


Bird

BunnyToast
11-25-2007, 03:29 AM
This is a great story idea! Like TV shows show what goes what goes on behind the scenes in Walt Disney for humans. No one ever thought of what it was like for the animals.

Keep writing. This is going to be a good story.

TheBird
11-25-2007, 05:48 PM
Thanks, I'll try to write a bit more today. Give me some ideas for animals and names please :)

Bird

TheBird
11-27-2007, 12:51 AM
New Chapter Up! :)

Flea
11-27-2007, 12:53 AM
awesome! great concept and idea and your storytelling is excellent,

FrostBiteDragon
11-27-2007, 12:57 AM
I think it could become a great story and you should write more.

TheBird
11-27-2007, 01:14 AM
Thank you :)

BunnyToast
11-27-2007, 01:17 AM
Bahaha great story so far! This is great! Write more please before I go D:

TheBird
11-27-2007, 01:23 AM
Well, I don't want you to go, but I want to wait for some more comments first. :)

TheBird
11-29-2007, 02:41 AM
Bumperoo's!

TheBird
11-30-2007, 02:50 AM
Bumperoo's!

TheBird
12-01-2007, 04:28 PM
Bumping this up! Drop a comment :)

TheBird
12-03-2007, 01:19 PM
Bumperoo's!

TheBird
12-05-2007, 02:57 AM
Once again.... bump.

TheBird
12-08-2007, 02:43 PM
Bumping this up

TheMagicWithin
12-08-2007, 03:01 PM
Write More Write More!!

TheBird
12-08-2007, 06:23 PM
I just don't get enough comments. If I could get some more I could know what I'm going right and what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it. When I get more comments I'll continure writing :)

FlyingCinder
12-08-2007, 06:49 PM
Excellent work TheBird. Your plotline is very realistic, this could really be happening to some animals. I love how you give each of the characters their name and personality. It really shows you care about the story. So far what you have done bad- You haven't wirtten enough D: That's all I can possibly say about your story so far.

TheBird
12-08-2007, 06:56 PM
That's a bit on VMKF's fault. I just haven't gotten the comments I need.

TheBird
12-11-2007, 10:04 PM
Bumperoos!

Tyrannosaurus
12-11-2007, 11:26 PM
continue writing bird, this story is great

iRaccoon
12-13-2007, 04:13 AM
nice story. Its made my day (No really it did) because its a animal filled story

sktrchick95
12-13-2007, 05:12 AM
We're calling a animal meeting

Ok, I'm a bit of a grammar freak, and I am able to find even the smallest grammar mistake very easily.:xmikec: You don't have to change this or anything, I just wanted to point it out, but I beieve it would be "We're calling an animal meeting" becuase animal starts with a vowel.

But the story is really, really good so far. Keep writing! :D:xgrin:

*sktr*

TheBird
12-14-2007, 02:43 AM
Ok, I'm a bit of a grammar freak, and I am able to find even the smallest grammar mistake very easily.:xmikec: You don't have to change this or anything, I just wanted to point it out, but I beieve it would be "We're calling an animal meeting" becuase animal starts with a vowel.

But the story is really, really good so far. Keep writing! :D:xgrin:

*sktr*

I knew I'd forget something. New chapter most likely coming tomorrow guys!