new story: chapter 1: meet epcotfans:

January,2007: epcotfans is new in vmk so doesn't know alot but still has alot of fun in VMK still soon he is wandering around Tomorrow land Hub when flying out of no Where comes YAVN!!! epcotfans is like: who are u can i be your friend I'm new Yavn: sure i need some help testing a few things like: a red stitch dream ears flying carpet and more.. Epcotfans is like: ok is that rare?
Yavn: yes yes i want to to meet the group: QA_Plaid,QA_yetidude,QA_MagicKingdom and QA_HOST_Lily. Epcotfans said: hi hi nice to meet u all. Yavn said: u need blue ears hold on u will get them soon in a message

chapter 2: soon to come
post if u want to be in it!!
this is not a true story

thats rlly cool! pls continue the story

uh it does not make much since (plz dont get mad just an opinion)

try separating objects that are together with commas and the bigining is a little hard understanding. its hard to understand each object with different words all together. also try making quotes or:

epcotfans: (whatever he says)
Yavn: (whatever he says)

otherwise it is a cool plot to start off with keep going!

here is a few parts from chapter 2:

yavn: i need u epcot and QA_MagicKingdom to test the cloud room.
- QA_MK aka QA_MagicKingdom and epcot go in the cloud room when sparky comes in and tells epcot to leave epcot says no and get booted -

Why wouldn't EPCOT leave? We aren't ridiculing (sp?) you we are giving friendly suggestions. Seriously that is a good plot thought, just describe it a little better and proof read it before you post and you may have it hit.

I agree with jsmall. It's not like I'm saying:
HAHA! Your story is really bad! It has bad grammar and this is the wrong forum!
I'm just giving you comments on how to improve your story, gosh.

Off topic: Heya tops!!

Why wouldn't EPCOT leave? We aren't ridiculing (sp?) you we are giving friendly suggestions. Seriously that is a good plot thought, just describe it a little better and proof read it before you post and you may have it hit.

oh bc sparky didn't know i was a helper bc i didn't have the blue ears on yet thx for asking:)

chapter 2: ''ok'' said epcot. Yavn tells QA_MK and epcot to go to the cloud room. Once they arrive, QA_MK does flying carpet 5 star and gives epcot a 5 star. They play around and fly around when out of no where comes HOST_SPARKY and tells epcot to leave. Epcot says ''no,''and gets booted.After getting booted, epcot messages yavn about what sparky did.

TO BE CONTUINED

Nice story but try to make the chapters longer if you can.

Great Start! Some Advice:
~Use details so the reader can make a clear picture in their mind of what is going on.
~Don't be afraid to make long chapters; the longer the more you have a chance to pull the reader in.
~Don't get lazy; by being lazy some writers tend to have a quick end and not be thorough with what is happening.

Oh cookies. Now he is going to ask a MOD to delete your comment when he doesn't like what he is hearing... -shakes head...- Anyway, I agree with her. Don't be afraid to double-check spelling and write longer chapters

Oh cookies. Now he is going to ask a MOD to delete your comment when he doesn't like what he is hearing... -shakes head...- Anyway, I agree with her. Don't be afraid to double-check spelling and write longer chapters

I don't know what way it is rude or mean, but I'm trying to give advice because sometimes I write stories (not on VMKF) and get lazy so rush the ending and I don't use great details and not all the time chapters are long, I'm just trying to use my personal experience to help others ;)

I would like to be in it!

Wow, I wish it were that easy to become a tester lol
just to ask @_@ I Wish I Wish...

anyways, i think the chapters need to be ALOT longer. Usually when people write stories it is like writing a 15 page book.
not a 5 year old's picture book.

sorry if that sounded harsh

i'm sorry due to sickness the story has been put on a hold