View Full Version : The Wonderful Travel


gellypoo93
05-01-2007, 09:58 PM
This story is about 1 family who travels all together to walt disney world.
!WITH PICTURES!

Chapter 1
"And welcome to todays forcaset.it will be high up in the lo-" said the newscaster as kacii's mom reda turned off her alarm clock.oh gosh 2:00am in the morning. said reda as she was getting up and getting dressed then she woke up kacii come of kacii time to get up. come on we have to be on the road by 3:00am and ur father is getting the car ready wat car are we taking again mom i forgot . why do u wanna know said reda. bc i wanna see if i can bring 3 suitcases instead of 2. ok well we are taking the suv ok thanks mom so kacii got dressed and too all her luggage to the suv. finally reda woke up her other daughter emmy and went to the car. is everybody ready said their dad and then they were off. kacii turns on her ipod and listens to her songs while emmy goes back to sleep jack [ kaciis dad] drives and reda finishes wither her sewing project. 10 minutes later they hit a 7-11 store and pick up some breakfast there after tehy got breakfast tehy were back on the road . kacii finally fell asleep as jack and reda took turns driving. finally they were there at their hotel. Disneys Carribbean beach resort they checked it then headed to their room were they changed into their bathing suits and went swimming. after they all went swimming kacii got into the shower and left for dinner. what are we going to eat daddy asked kacii Bannana's said emmy hmm how about some pizza said reda Bannana's said emmy good choice said jack and they ordered pizz then ate it. after they ate jack and emmy got really tired and headed for bed kacii and reda staid up to go shopping. kacii bought a t-shirt and so did reda. after that reda and kacii laid out on the beach and looked up at the stars. maybe this will be a fun vacation said reda. ARENT THEY ALL?!?! said kacii and giggle and went to bed

Chapter 2tomarrow

MagicMonkeys
05-01-2007, 10:08 PM
In my opinion,you should make a little introduction and try to make darker colors so we can see it.Enjoy writing your story!

BunnyToast
05-01-2007, 10:44 PM
Well, I couldn't read past the first 5 sentences. You need to need to fix all the capitals and put spaces behind the sentences.

MasterMario
05-01-2007, 11:05 PM
I am sorry to say that this story is not that good. There are no quotation marks around the words when people are speaking. I don't know when they are speaking.

MagicMonkeys
05-02-2007, 12:15 AM
Also,don't forget,Capitalize Names Of People! That is a rule you should of always known in writing/typing

gellypoo93
05-02-2007, 08:15 PM
Thanks you guys
now i know what i should do when i make a story next time
but i dont think i will start on chapter 2 so mods can close this

MagicMonkeys
05-02-2007, 10:22 PM
Just fix the first story and make the second!